An Award-Winning Disclaimer

A charming little Magpie whispered this disclaimer into my ear, and I'm happy to regurgitate it into your sweet little mouth:

"Disclaimer: This blog is not responsible for those of you who start to laugh and piss your pants a little. Although this blogger understands the role he has played (in that, if you had not been laughing you may not have pissed yourself), he assumes no liability for damages caused and will not pay your dry cleaning bill.

These views represent the thoughts and opinions of a blogger clearly superior to yourself in every way. If you're in any way offended by any of the content on this blog, it is clearly not the blog for you. Kindly exit the page by clicking on the small 'x' you see at the top right of the screen, and go fuck yourself."

Monday, November 1, 2010

The One With the Waggily Tail

When people don't know what to talk about with other people, they tend talk about their dogs, because it's slightly more interesting than talking about the weather, and it's definitely less provocative than talking about the latest technological advances in clitoral-stim devices, and it's usually more entertaining than talking about their cats. Unless the cats in question are consuming Christmas tinsel and/or string that then comes out of the cat's asshole.

So, people, I've noticed, talk about their dogs-- especially people at work. One psych tech with whom I work was recently bellyaching his misfortune at getting a "fucked up" dog from a shelter. The dog routinely runs, at full tilt, until he collides head-first with the wall, spins around in circles until it throws up and is thought to be, generally speaking, disordered in the brain department.

Spiking off this discussion, one of the nurses on duty approached me with her feelings of guilt that she had purchased a puppy recently from *gasp!* a pet store. She said that she agonized over the decision, because she knew it was "morally wrong" and that she "wouldn't be able to look in the mirror again" after purchasing the dog, but, as she drove away from the store, she called her friend to ask her what should she do, because she had fallen so desperately in love with this one puppy.

"Turn your car around," the friend said, "go back there, and get that goddamned dog."

And the nurse in question did just that, and she loves the dog to pieces.

"Seven hundred dollars later," she said to me, rolling her eyes. Another one of her friends, upon hearing that this nurse had purchased a dog at a *gasp!* pet store, stopped speaking to her.

And this, loves, is where my blog post for today comes in.

I have my opinions about pet stores, and the people and entities who supply pet stores with their, ahem, products. I have my opinions as a self-righteous, two-time "rescuer" of dogs from unpleasant situations. I have my opinions, and you know more than most that I am not shy when it comes to expressing them, but, when our opinions on issues get in the way of our friendships, well, then that is just very, very sad. You can have your beliefs, you can have your thoughts, you can have your views of how the world ought to be, and how others should behave, but try to have a little perspective with your lemon bread, you know?

Pet stores are not evil, the people who purchase pets as opposed to adopting them are not the devil incarnate, and there are breeders who operate responsibly, within the limits of the law, and do their best to respect the dignity of puppy life.

So. There.



  1. My sister is a foster "parent" to dogs rescued from hideous circumstances and she always encourages people to go that route if they are considering adopting a pet. That said.. If you fall in love you fall in love..and didn't that nurse(although to the tune of 700.00)do just that and rescue her pup from the pet store? I think so! Great blog as usual!

  2. I'd love to get a rescue dog someday. My dog is a 500 euro puppy from a family on the other side of the country; my mother rang the Kennel Club and asked if there were any puppies available, and these people - a family who show their dogs - had a couple of puppies left, so we hauled ass over there and I picked Lia out (because she was a bully and kept shoving the other, more timid puppy out of the way).

    I understand why people get annoyed about it, but for-sale puppies need homes too, I guess.


Got something to say? Rock on with your badass apron!