An Award-Winning Disclaimer

A charming little Magpie whispered this disclaimer into my ear, and I'm happy to regurgitate it into your sweet little mouth:

"Disclaimer: This blog is not responsible for those of you who start to laugh and piss your pants a little. Although this blogger understands the role he has played (in that, if you had not been laughing you may not have pissed yourself), he assumes no liability for damages caused and will not pay your dry cleaning bill.

These views represent the thoughts and opinions of a blogger clearly superior to yourself in every way. If you're in any way offended by any of the content on this blog, it is clearly not the blog for you. Kindly exit the page by clicking on the small 'x' you see at the top right of the screen, and go fuck yourself."

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Fundled Faith

Well, those priests are at it again...

My father loves to raise eyebrows with his vulgar commentary on the latest abuse scandal in the Catholic church.

"You know why that John Paul was always walking around bent over, right?"

"No, Dad. Why?"

"Because he always had a little boy under that dress of his, giving him a fundle."

Dad, in that quaint, Israeli way of his, pronounces the word "fundling," but we all know it's pronounced "fondling." And we all know it's disgusting and ickie and gross, but we can't help laughing, especially when he calls it "fundling" or makes reference to "the Catholic tussies."

Of course, there's nothing funny about the report issued today by the commission charged with investigating the systemic sexual, physical and emotional abuses perpetrated by Catholic priests, nuns and other officials at reformatories, schools, workhouses and orphanages from the 1930s to the 1990s in Ireland. For those of you who came here today looking for a laugh-- um, go enjoy the My Masonic Apron archives or a repeat of "Maude."

Tens of thousands of victims. Decades of unmanaged and unprosecuted abuse. Countless lives shattered and needlessly fucked up at the devious and deviant hands of people protected by the sanctimonious untouchability of God's shroud. I know very well that my father knows how to pronounce the word "fondling" and I think his reluctance to call it what it is stems from his very real abhorrence of the deeds-- he'd rather make light of it. For too many years and too many decades, the Catholic Church has also not come clean and called it what it is, but for a very different reason. It's only a crime if you identify it as such. If you conceal, if you lie,if you shift blame, if you apologize for the perpetrator, if you castigate the victim instead of the predator, well, then, you're just letting the molesting machine roll along on its merry little way, aren't you?

Well, God bless.

Religion, like Tylenol, is great if it's used correctly. If it's abused, also like Tylenol, well, then you're in trouble. I very much doubt that there's a Hell, but, if there is, I hope there's an especially hot and fucked up place for those who misuse their religious authority to torture young children.

They like to say that we're all made in God's image, but I don't think so. It's pretty hard to conceive of a God who would make men who are then ordained as His servants who then participate in these thoroughly ungodly acts. Kinda pokes a hole in that cozy little belief structure, doesn't it?

The fact that the Irish government was complicitous in covering up these immensely and powerfully awful deeds is a revolting stain upon that society. This is what happens when faith and government are, for lack of a more tasteful term, in bed together. Then again, seperation of Church and State hasn't done too much to ameliorate clergy scandals in this country.

The report fails to name names of abusers, because of a legal injunction from The Christian Brothers, one of the entities that ran many of the reformatories, whose hands are quite obviously stained with sickness and guilt-- otherwise, why the lawsuit? Without names, there can be no justice. It is impossible for any commission or any government or any church to give back these victims their childhoods, their innocence, or their dignity. The very least they deserve and are entitled to is justice.

I doubt they'll get it, though. After all, they're no children of God, right? They're just sons and daughters of the workhouse-- bastards and whores all.

People use religion for a lot of nefarious activities. Some people use it to sell you shit you don't need: like icons of Mary to nail up all over your house, or gold stars of David to wear around your neck. Some people use it to shame you for simply being human and making life's little mistakes that we're all supposed to make. Some people use it to compel you to behave, to walk the straight and narrow, to scare you shitless so you don't speak up or speak out. And some use it so they can fuck trembling, fearful young boys in the rectory when nobody's looking, and be certain of their victims' silence. After all, Hell awaits and, if that's not frightening enough, there's always the Hell on earth that comes as part and parcel of being a victim of rape, abuse and torture.

The Jews believe that God is there and that God sees everything, but I'm not so sure. If He is there, and if He does see everything, then I don't think He deserves that capitalization after all.


  1. Wow. Yes.

    Similar experience in Canada was the residential schools. Where Native children experienced an eradication of their culture and language while simultaneously abusing them sexually. I get so overwhelmed by the tragedy of it. The horror. The pain. It's so easy for people to look away, instead. But, we can't. Recently the government issued an apology, finally, for residential schools. There are lawsuits for some victims in process. I get so fucking angry when I think about it. So many lives ruined, people are still suffering from the actions of these authority figures. They will continue to suffer, and pass that suffering on to their children in a cycle of abuse. I can't stand it.

  2. I'm sure if there is a God he does see everything -- but the chances of there being only ONE god, well... no, I doubt that very much. Absolutely impossible to prove of course, but I simply point at the many religions that existed before Christianity -- is there a reason that those religious are any more false (or real) than the monotheistic religions that are prevalent today?

    No, of course not. There's just as much chance for the God of Wine to be real as the Christian God -- unlikely that either exist of course, but who knows.

    In the first revision of the Torah, the REAL bible, God wasn't even singular, he was the God of the Israelites -- he only became singular later on, when some people wanted a little more control...

    Anyway, I've ranted on a similar topic to this (though not with a focus on abuse like you have), if you want to read it:

    It's a little flamey, a little tongue-in-cheek... but might be worth reading :)


Got something to say? Rock on with your badass apron!