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Thursday, April 16, 2009

"I Like to Stab"

Reporters just don't use headlines that grab anymore.

So, when I troll the various news websites looking for information and fodder, I rarely expect my attention and focus to be piqued by a simple headline. Fortunately, this morning did not disappoint.

"SA Gang Leader: I Like to Stab"

I thought two things when I read this headline:

1.) Now there's a reporter who knows the value of a good headline.

2.) Now there's a gang leader who tells it like it is.

The report, actually a video report, was a serious one, exposing the very real problem of violent gangs in Cape Town. It wasn't terribly revelatory, though: gang members were shown doing drugs, displaying weapons, and discussing their affinity for wounding and killing people. The most surprising thing I learned from watching this piece is that people still stab people (and they like it!)

I think it's refreshing to know that, despite this American culture that celebrates firearms and consistently makes guns more accessible to even the poorest criminal element, that there are other countries where people are still using good old knives as their primary weapon of mayhem and destruction.

That kinda just makes you feel good, doesn't it?

In this country, only serial killers and prison psychos use knives, giving the knife an unwarranted, negative association. But when gangs, who are routinely glorified by mass media, are shown to still be favoring knives after all the technological advances and price reductions relating to guns, well, that says something about the power of a sharp blade.

Let's bring back the pride in the knife!

Let's, too, aspire to instill in the criminal element of this country the unashamed desire to tell the truth about how they feel about crime. We have a society where criminals consistently lie about the crimes that they commit, their involvement in said crimes, and their attitudes towards crime, because they feel they will be incriminated, judged or persecuted for their disclosures. If you watch COPS, you'll know what I mean:

Officer: "Why'd you run, man?"

Shitstain: "Yo, I wuz scared!"


Officer: "What do you have to say about the forty baggies of crack I just pulled out of your pockets?"

Knucklebutt: "Yo, these ain't mah pants!"


Officer: "You know this car is stolen, right?"

Doucheduck: "Yo, lookit-- some dude just gave me this car today."


Officer: "Why'd you kill forty-seven people in this shopping mall?"

Retard: "Yo-- that was my evil twin, Marvin."


The stream of horseshit that spews from the lips of miscreants and bastards is unending, and so it is kind of refreshing to hear gang members in South Africa unapologetically making statements like, "I like to stab." They're not saying,

"Well, I stab because I have no legitimate opportunities."


"I stab because the White Man keeps me down."


"I stab because my parents slapped me around when I was a kid and I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Aspergers and White Fish Salad Cholera and my Siamese Fighting Fish that I had when I was six was an alcoholic."


"Me?! Yo, I don't stab!"

They just come out and admit a.) that they do it and b.) that they like it.

I say, good for them. We Americans are always very fond of feel good, follow-your-rainbow statements like "do what you love."

Aren't we?

1 comment:

  1. Man. I'm always tempted to use ridiculous, out of context pull quotes as headlines but apparently that makes it look like I'm not taking the local news seriously.


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