An Award-Winning Disclaimer

A charming little Magpie whispered this disclaimer into my ear, and I'm happy to regurgitate it into your sweet little mouth:

"Disclaimer: This blog is not responsible for those of you who start to laugh and piss your pants a little. Although this blogger understands the role he has played (in that, if you had not been laughing you may not have pissed yourself), he assumes no liability for damages caused and will not pay your dry cleaning bill.

These views represent the thoughts and opinions of a blogger clearly superior to yourself in every way. If you're in any way offended by any of the content on this blog, it is clearly not the blog for you. Kindly exit the page by clicking on the small 'x' you see at the top right of the screen, and go fuck yourself."

Friday, March 13, 2009

With Every Welcome Comes a Fare-thee-Well

As I warmly welcome you to My Masonic Apron, I bid a fond farewell to P'H N.

He was a close, trusted and dear friend to us all, and to me, although I admit that he sometimes got on my nerves. I know he will be missed in many various ways, but his spirit will live on at My Masonic Apron. For those of you who missed it in The Philadelphia Gay News and the London Telegraph, here is a copy of P'H N'ss obituary:

"P'H N, a resident of, died today at the age of 8 months, 336 posts. He suffered from a massive case of indigestion coupled with the concurrent complications of traumatic vaginal dissection, renal insufficieny, rheumatic bolero, and a piano being dropped on his head.

While rescue personnel from several agencies responded to the scene of the incidents and tried to revive him, P'H N expired in the arms of a novice EMT who was attempting to affix an oxygen mask to his left ear. Before he passed, P'H N was overheard saying,

"That goes around my nose and mouth, you fucking retard."

P'H N leaves behind scores of random, pimply, skeevy Googlers as well as 14 dedicated followers who, for some reason, hung on his every word as if it were a missive from the Messiah or at the very least, Jim Cramer of CNBC's "Mad Money."

In lieu of flowers, which are always left in the vase far too long until they end up smelling like the carcass of the hamster that escaped from its cage when you were a boy and you found seventeen years later, rotting away in the basement, donations may be made to The United Society of Bloggers Who Have Had to Abandon Their Blogs and Create New Ones for Some Unknown Reason. Donations may also be made to Victoria's Secret, which was P'H N's favorite shop. Well, catalogue."

So, as we raise a glass of whatever's laying around in the fridge to P'H N, I urge you to join me in forgetting about the freeloading bastard as quickly as possible and, in turning your back on him, make My Masonic Apron your new drug-of-choice.

You won't regret it.


  1. I'm glad I found you in your move. The thought of going with out your blog .... ugh!!!

  2. I will miss Puddinghead.. Do us proud Masonic Apron!

  3. Ugh. I was still working on catching up to present time over at PHN, so I never got to read about the move into your new house. Bummer. Glas you're still posting though. Thanks.

  4. I wouldn't have found this blog if it weren't for Mrs. Apron on Craftster, I was about to message her then realized she put it plain as day, the new address....and for that, I'm thankful! :)

  5. I know you must have missed your J-ville fan. You need to start an e-mail list for when you abandon people. I was lost without the blog. Ditto the last poster who re-found you thanks to Mrs... um... Apron on craftster.

  6. Yay, Birdie! Welcome back into the folds of my somewhat tattered and stained masonic apron.

    I apologize for not bringing you along. Blogger doesn't always provide email addresses for commentatortots.

    You have been missed.


    Welcome back to the folds of MY MASONIC APRON!

    Dude, it really did ballsing take you long enough.

    Don't worry, despite the name change, I'm still just a fucking pudd'nhead at heart.


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