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A charming little Magpie whispered this disclaimer into my ear, and I'm happy to regurgitate it into your sweet little mouth:

"Disclaimer: This blog is not responsible for those of you who start to laugh and piss your pants a little. Although this blogger understands the role he has played (in that, if you had not been laughing you may not have pissed yourself), he assumes no liability for damages caused and will not pay your dry cleaning bill.

These views represent the thoughts and opinions of a blogger clearly superior to yourself in every way. If you're in any way offended by any of the content on this blog, it is clearly not the blog for you. Kindly exit the page by clicking on the small 'x' you see at the top right of the screen, and go fuck yourself."

Monday, March 23, 2009

RQP = Real Quick Post

Here are some random, pressing Monday evening questions for you lovely people to ponder, or answer:

Are my breathing difficulties asthma or are they psychosomatic?

Why do young people think it's cool to bash cops?

Why are redheaded women in pornos almost invariably coupled with huge, African-American men?

Why is finding a parking meter with 8 minutes left on it so much more exciting than getting grapes on sale at the market?

Why do some Triscuits have MSG and some don't?

Why are old cars so much cooler than new cars?

Who invented reality TV and do they ever watch it?

What the hell ever happened to Rue McLanahan?

Why do most people always choose shitty movies over good plays?

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

Why don't we have a designated siesta time like other, smarter countries have?

Why is it that people think men who want to work with children are automatically perverts?

Why do lame-ass bloggers get book deals and, on a slightly related topic: where's mine?

What the hell was the name of that PBS show I used to watch as a kid, it took place on some other planet-- fuck. What the fuck was that called anyway?

Why am I obsessed with dying and not World of Warcraft or something?

Why'd you tase me, bro?

Why did my toenail fungus come back, even after I took Lamisil for three months, as directed?

Why do people think it's okay to wear underwear that shows through their pants?

Why haven't I lost my job yet and, on a related topic, when's that going to happen?

Why do all the suspects on "COPS" answer the question, "Why'd you run, man?" with "I was scared"?

Why do birds suddenly appear, every time that you're near?

Why do I not call my friends on the phone to shoot the shit anymore?

Why don't I have visible wrinkles yet and, on a related topic, when are they coming?

Why is there so much shit in this house?

When is the "right time" to have a child?

Who decided that it's okay for only certain countries to start wars?

When am I going to start to learn how to pluck the banjo instead of just strum?

Are my parents as scared of themselves dying as I am?

Will I ever own a cat?

Why is it that Volkswagen felt the need to change the Beetle's push buttons on the door handles from little rectangles in 1966 to little circles in 1967?

Why am I still afraid I'll wake up at 4:30am and throw up if I eat anything after 10pm?

Will there be four separate funerals for the Oakland officers, or one massive one?

Does this tie match anything else that I'm wearing today?

Why are lamps never bright enough?

Where do I begin?


  1. Movies over plays - because people are lazy. :)

    Good time to have a kid - never. :)

    Obsessing about dying instead of WoW - have you ever played WoW? It leaves no time for anything. I'd play 24/7 if I didn't have that pesky work thing to do. :)

    I didn't comment often over at that *other* blog...and I probably won't here either, since I am one of those lazy ones. But I do enjoy your blog!

  2. How do you solve a problem like Maria? I have always wondered that.

  3. The 8 minutes are just for you unlike the grapes which is available to everyone.
    You have asthma. Pretty sure the doc didnt humor you all those years.
    Toe fungus is evil thats why.
    You have your wife to shoot the shit with now plus you blog.
    The after 10 thing? Maybe you are manerexic?
    So many questions! Why are all my answers mixed up!
    Your Welcome


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