Don't Rub Snake Oil on My Tits & Tell Me It's Funny.

Well, the welter-weight champion showdown of the world finally happened.

"Mad Money" host Jim Cramer vs. "Daily Show" host John Stewart: Fight of the TV Titans.

Cramer was clearly playing Defense as Stewart ripped into him for a variety of misdeeds. Stewart even had tape of Cramer, in younger, hairier days, talking about various and sundry shady dealings, footage which he gleefully rolled before Cramer, the live studio audience, and millions of viewers, viewers whom are now absolutely certain that "The Daily Show" is real news.

The logo behind John Stewart definitely said "Comedy Central" but, no matter how I searched for it, I couldn't find any comedy. Maybe it was hiding somewhere behind Stewart's Winnebago-sized ego. The interview was purported to be an opportunity for Jim Cramer to come on and explain why earlier "Daily Show" comments about him and his show were unfair, but it was really just a roast. And not a Friar's Club Roast, either. Those are funny. This wasn't.

I think the most telling moment of the confrontation came when John Stewart made the claim that, "we're both snakeoil salesmen to some extent, but we label our show as snakeoil. You don't."

Uh-oh! My Bullshit Meter just broke. John, could you get me a new one, please?

"The Daily Show" markets itself and is regarded by the 18-30 demographic overwhelmingly as anything but snakeoil, it is regarded as a legitimate alternative to network news programs, and not only does Stewart know it, he was behind the transformation-- and is profiting monstruously from it.

I thought "The Daily Show" was supposed to be funny, but I sure wasn't laughing at the Jim Cramer "interview." Has the writing staff of "The Daily Show" forgotten the definition for words like "satire" and "parody?" It's a fake news show. It's fake, people. Seriously. It's seriously fake-- at least, it's supposed to be. It was. What happened to the days of funny reporting? I can remember a great segment from the Craig Kilborn days when Beth Littleford interviewed a riverboat operator who was going to start charging obese patrons extra for wider seats. The reporting was a precise mimic of real newsreporter's dialects, intonations and facial expressions. What was not imitated, however, was content.

Littleford: "So, suppose... Chunky Mudflaps comes onto your ship and..."

See? Comedy.

Now, frankly, I think Jim Cramer and John Stewart are both idiots and assholes. If one's any better than the other in the integrity department, I'd be stunned. But for John Stewart to invite Jim Cramer on his show on the pretense of giving him a platform to explain and defend himself, and then simply unleashing a barrage of criticism and self-aggrandizing "I'm-with-the-people" rhetoric was an appalling and disgusting display.

Let me say this: there isn't a thing on television that isn't snakeoil. From the greasy-haired preachers to Ron Popeil shoving his flavor injector up turkeys' asses, to commercials for lawyers who only get paid if you win your case against the guy who made the paint chips your toddler ate to the commentators on Court TV-- everybody is full of fucking shit. Everybody. And I'll say this: if you make financial decisions because of something you heard on "Mad Money," then you're an idiot and an asshole, too. Here's another one, if your world view is shaped in any significant way by the stories and the jargon you see and hear on "The Daily Show," then double-dee-ditto on that score, too.

Shaming TV personalities on TV for being TV personalities is a shoddy game, especially when you're one yourself.