An Award-Winning Disclaimer

A charming little Magpie whispered this disclaimer into my ear, and I'm happy to regurgitate it into your sweet little mouth:

"Disclaimer: This blog is not responsible for those of you who start to laugh and piss your pants a little. Although this blogger understands the role he has played (in that, if you had not been laughing you may not have pissed yourself), he assumes no liability for damages caused and will not pay your dry cleaning bill.

These views represent the thoughts and opinions of a blogger clearly superior to yourself in every way. If you're in any way offended by any of the content on this blog, it is clearly not the blog for you. Kindly exit the page by clicking on the small 'x' you see at the top right of the screen, and go fuck yourself."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I Do in America

The whole gay marriage debate really gets on my nerves.

I'm not particularly affected by one part of it or another, being already married and decidedly un-gay in spite of my affection for Gilbert & Sullivan operettas and sharing my emotions, but the fact that there is a debate at all annoys the hell out of me.


What is it about our society that makes the masses believe that politicians or bishops should have anything to say about whether or not two people who love each other can get married? Why do we allow these people to speak? Why do we give them microphones and airtime and soundbytes? What's wrong with us?

Why do we still insist on authorizing and permitting bigotry?

That's all it is, really. The suits and the cleric collars can say whatever they want about how they're protecting the sanctity of the institution of marriage, but really it's just about bashing faggots.

Really. It is.

Don't believe me? This is a society where "that's gay" has finally become the universal replacement for "that's retarded." Well, at least they're running neck-and-neck in some areas. We don't like homosexuals. We don't understand it. We think it's, well, gay. We do not like them in our workplace, or in our subway car. We do not like them in our neighborhoods or in our time-shares.

We do not like them here, or there, or anywhere.

Though the days of homosexual panic are a kind-of-distant memory, we're still afraid they're gonna, like, hump us at the copier or something.

Like it or not, though, gay marriage is coming. It's just going to take some time, because there's a lot of foreplay to get through first, which is appalling, but it's true. Look at the end of slavery. Look at giving African-Americans the right to vote. Look at suffrage. Look at the Civil Rights movement. Look at India achieving its independence from England, for Christ's sake. These things all happen, but they take time. Lots and lots of time. But, it's going to happen. I just wish it didn't have to take so long, and I wish we didn't have to live in a country that accepts, allows and cloaks bigotry, prejudice and hatred of certain groups for a self-serving "higher purpose."

Protecting the sanctity of marriage? Please-- which one of the white-haired, buttoned-up conservative politicians beating that drum hasn't drilled his 31-year-old secretary from behind over his desk while his wife was out shaking hands on his behalf on the campaign trail? Go protect the sanctity of your own marriage, motherfucker.

100 years from now, or fewer, people will look back on our society and snicker and sneer at what a joke we were, what a hypocritical, thoroughly unfunny joke we were. Electing a black man president, and disallowing homosexuals to marry each other in every state of the union. Well, it's allowed here, but your marriage is invalid here. Well, you can have partner benefits, but you can't call it marriage. Well, civil union this, well, maybe in Vermont, well...

Well? Fuck that.

Anytime the rights of a few are suppressed, we are all diminished as a people. We in this country have a long history of speaking from both sides of our mouth. We were born bellowing liberty justice for all, but really that of course only mean white, Protestant landowning men. Today, we strut arrogantly like peacocks proclaiming to be one of the most enlightened, progressive, modern societies in the world, but we're still doing the same old tapdance over other peoples' rights as human beings.

Shame on us.


  1. The time will come, absolutely, it is inevitable. I just hope and pray I get to see it openly embraced and lawful in every sense, in my lifetime.

  2. I live in Canada. Its legal here and I am glad of that. I agree with everything about your blog and I especially liked that you touched upon "That's Gay". I HATE that term and I know you use it alot and I am glad you talked about it today.
    I dont know what the big freakin deal is either. I mean these couples are STILL going to have commitment ceremonies and adopt children and have responsible decent lives so wtf? Whats the holdup?
    If marriage emotionally and just as importantly legally protects them as a family then get the fuck on with it! I wouldnt want someone to say ..Sorry about your partners death but you cant have your kids now because your partner adopted them and we wouldnt recognize you so the kids are going to have to go with hateful grammy and grandpa who hated your partner/their daughter or son. This waste of time is such a lot of shit. Instead of politicians yapping about this couldnt they be talking about ending the war instead or inner city violence or hunger in America.. COME ON!
    okedoke then.. stepping away from the comp .. for now
    Great blog as usual.. Cheers!

  3. Well said!

    It's amazing what agendas get pushed in the name of religion.

    I mean, if you're agains gay marriage, then DON'T MARRY A GAY PERSON.

    Seems simple enough, right?

  4. I'm Canadian, ((FUCKIN' A!)) But still ... Hear, hear! Hear fucking hear.

  5. I haven't been able to get my brain completely around this issue. Aren't the politicians representing their constituents? And aren't the majority of americans still homophobes and purists to some extent? Isn't that why it will take time for gay marriage to be accepted?
    I think the whole 'sanctity of marriage' question is a joke. Marriage in the legal sense has no relationship to sanctity. Sanctity only exists to the extent that couples devote their union to God. It's a totally separate and personal issue. Not one that can be legislated.
    Do you really think all those politicians are drilling their secretaries?

  6. people like brittney spears ruin the sanctity of marriage-not gays. (Just read john's---GOOD point!! sanctity is about your own relationship in marriage with God!)
    I think lois said it best on Family guy when questioning her parents' marriage "Why do two straight people who hate each other have more of a right to get married than two gay people who love each other?"

    my ignorant parents try to say it opens the door to too many other arguments-like people marrying donkeys or trees. PLEASE! are homosexuals really comparable to a donkey, or a tree???


Got something to say? Rock on with your badass apron!