HEY, YOU! CHRISTIAN! YEAH, I'M TALKIN' TO YOU!

That's right! LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!

You're in big trouble, Paddy Boy. Oooooh, yes-- big, big big-boy trouble! We're talkin' cricket bat to the ass time. Fo sho.

Sho 'nuff.

'Nuff said.

Well, not quite yet.

Not, at least, before I say, "Get your ass back in that church!"

Yeah. That's right. I said it.

What? You think you're done?

You think you can't take orders from a Jew?

Well. Think again.

I know, I know-- you think you've put in your dues, right?

Christmas Eve. Midnight mass. Christmas Day. I get it. You're Jesus'd out, right?

WRONG!

It's Sunday, Mothers. Time to go to church... AGAIN!

YAY!

Time to tithe. Time to stand up, and sit down, time for some of y'all to hit those kneelers. Yeah. You know you like that shit. You LOVE that shit!

Kneel for Jesus!

I know-- it's totes a real drag that the day after Christmas is on Sunday. But, hey, that's life on the other side, ain't it? It's okay-- it's not like you have to dress up or anything. Some Sundays, I see people pour out of church wearing clothes I wouldn't walk my dog in, even late at night when nobody can really see.

I mean-- what is going on these days? People used to get dressed up in nice hats and white gloves to get on a fricking airplane.

Hey! Don't think that just because I'm on a tangent that I'm going to forget the whole point of this blog.

Don't. You. Think it.

Get back inside that church, you.

You think you can spend all of today playing with your goddamned iPad? Think again.

Think. A-fucking-gain.

That is all.

(I'm watching you on Google Earth. Seriously-- get the fuck back in that church before I lay some smackdown.)