An Award-Winning Disclaimer

A charming little Magpie whispered this disclaimer into my ear, and I'm happy to regurgitate it into your sweet little mouth:

"Disclaimer: This blog is not responsible for those of you who start to laugh and piss your pants a little. Although this blogger understands the role he has played (in that, if you had not been laughing you may not have pissed yourself), he assumes no liability for damages caused and will not pay your dry cleaning bill.

These views represent the thoughts and opinions of a blogger clearly superior to yourself in every way. If you're in any way offended by any of the content on this blog, it is clearly not the blog for you. Kindly exit the page by clicking on the small 'x' you see at the top right of the screen, and go fuck yourself."

Friday, August 5, 2011

External Genitalia

Dicks and balls are hilarious. I think it's great that I'm heterosexual because, if I were straight, I can only imagine what my first reaction to seeing a real, live male set would have been. I'd probably have laughed hysterically, which most likely would have made the owner of said male set sad and flaccid, and then I probably would have laughed even harder.

Then, I'd probably have gotten punched in the throat. Because I'd probably be attracted to guys who'd vent their frustration like that.

Dicks. Balls. Sweaty, hairy, hanging, dangling, bobbing, bouncing.


I hate to be a grass-is-greener kind of a guy, but I think things like that are probably better on the inside, don't you? I mean, when I'm rolling around in bed trying to fall asleep, or when I'm trying to cross my legs, or when I'm trying to masturbate, I feel like I'm strangling the poor fucker. It's really quite absurd.

Okay, here we go:

Ladies-- how did you react when you saw your first set?

Gents-- if you could shove yours all up inside until you actually needed to use it for something, would you?


  1. The first I remember was when I saw my dad in the shower, and I believe my reaction was "Wait... my mom did what with that? How is that possible?"
    The first time I was actually expected to do something with a friendboy's erection, I was a little grossed out, and anyway he smelled like hamsters.

  2. I spent my adolescence freaked out by that whole situation, so my high school boyfriend always complained of blue balls. (They don't really turn blue, do they?)

    Since then, I've come to appreciate the male set-up in kind of a bemused way and I do what I can to be a good friend to men's equipment. And I'm jealous that guys can just pee anywhere (in theory).

    However, I would not wanna walk around with those things and I also don't envy straight men who have to figure women out. We're so locked up, we don't always quite understand what's going on, either.


Got something to say? Rock on with your badass apron!