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Friday, September 11, 2009

How to Stay in Love

Somebody posted a discussion topic on the 20something bloggers network asking "How Do You Stay In Love?"

I think it's pretty sad that twentysomethings have to ask themselves, or advise others, on how to encourage and perpetuate the existence of love. Shouldn't that be more of a question asked on 80something bloggers?

There really isn't any secret. There isn't any answer. It's different for every couple. It's not a question like, "How do you change the oil on a 1987 Buick LeSabre?" or "What's the cheapest flight I can get from Tulsa to Albany?" And, trust me, if there is an answer, no 20something has it. We're all basically retarded. Haven't you figured that out yet?

When I last checked the discussion board, there were 105 responses to this question. There's the usual bullshit about trust and patience, communication, spontaneity, picking your battles, paying attention, compromise, showing affection... It's like those silly women's magazines you see at the supermarket checkout lane boasting, "18 New Things You Can Do to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed." I mean, are you kidding me? How many different ways can you say, "Put on a thong and suck his cock?" It's pretty ridiculous when you actually sit down and think about it.

Oh, here's a good one, related to that last point: "have a lot of sex!" Oh, hahaha! Good idea!

Here's the thing: if you're in your 20's and you're all worried about how to stay in love, you're pretty much fucked. If you're pondering that question after thirty years of marriage, well, I can understand that. Just put on a thong and suck his cock, you saggy, flabby hottie, you.

I love being in love, and one of the things I love most about being in love is not thinking about it, or how to keep it going. I trust my love, and you should trust yours too. You don't need some moron on a chatboard to tell you to kiss your girlfriend as you're leaving for the day or to write her poems or letters, or email her incessantly or to remember her goddamn birthday, or your anniversary, or to pay attention to the things she likes so you can buy them for her and be her hero. You don't need some numbnuts to tell you to respect her and admire her and tell her she's beautiful on a Thursday morning.

You want to know how to stay in love? Stay away from internet discussion-boards. I don't promise eternal love-- but it's a good start.


  1. I can be a little bitter here in your comments, right? Safe place and all that? Staying in love is this easy- don't be a douchebag. Keep a job. Pull your weight. Appreciate what you have. Most off all, when life gets hard? Don't decide that you'd rather manipulate your old high school girlfriend into running away with you than, say, mowing the yard or looking for work. Just my two cents... ;)

  2. i'm inclined to agree w/ you Mr. Apron. though maybe i'm just a crazy in love 30something

  3. If you have to work to "stay" in love, then you probably weren't really in love to begin with

    -lessons learned from a young, doomed-from-the-start 3-year marriage ;-)

  4. Hehe, you have to remember that not everyone is good at creating a relationship, or staying in love.

    Though, admittedly, those people that are ASKING that question are already much more aware of the situation than those that aren't.

    i.e. fat slob who sits on couch and gets wife to bring him beer isn't going to be asking 'how can I keep our love going?' on an Internet forum.

    But yes, as a man that's never actually been in a 'lovey' relationship, I guess I am a bit of an outsider on this one...

  5. haha we're all pretty much retarded, i love that :P i like to say, we don't know shit. same thing.

  6. We're all basically retarded. Haven't you figured that out yet?

    You know, I HAVE figured that out, but sometimes I forget. That's when I post inane questions on discussion boards that don't have clear answers.

    Not that I've ever done that...

  7. Thanks for your response to our project! There are many answers on the blog....I'm going to post answers from age 2-100 up on the blog [due to the obvious ignorance of 20 somethings]. 20sb was just a start. You sound exactly like my husband did when I fell in love with him oh so long ago! Passionate, Straightforward, yet somehow egotistically long winded. You forgot, (I think) to actually visit the blog and see some of the OTHER ages posted on there. Like my husband, again (lack of further thought or research). But with the odd angst of my ex boyfriend who was a closet homosexual. It's a great way to showcase artists, and lovers on the cyber-sphere. Oh, and if it is so let me know why there is a 40% divorce rate in the USA :) Thongs get old...and yeast-filled.

  8. Katrina,

    At the risk of being labeled "long-winded," "egotistical," or a "closet" case, I'll keep it succinct for you:

    You are falsely correlating the 40% divorce rate in America with people falling out of love with each other, when people get divorced for a myriad of reasons, only one of which is falling out of love.

    There is a 40% divorce rate in America because people are chronically dissatisfied with their lot, and are constantly engaged in the vainglorious belief that they deserve better and better and better.


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