How to Stay in Love

Somebody posted a discussion topic on the 20something bloggers network asking "How Do You Stay In Love?"

I think it's pretty sad that twentysomethings have to ask themselves, or advise others, on how to encourage and perpetuate the existence of love. Shouldn't that be more of a question asked on 80something bloggers?

There really isn't any secret. There isn't any answer. It's different for every couple. It's not a question like, "How do you change the oil on a 1987 Buick LeSabre?" or "What's the cheapest flight I can get from Tulsa to Albany?" And, trust me, if there is an answer, no 20something has it. We're all basically retarded. Haven't you figured that out yet?

When I last checked the discussion board, there were 105 responses to this question. There's the usual bullshit about trust and patience, communication, spontaneity, picking your battles, paying attention, compromise, showing affection... It's like those silly women's magazines you see at the supermarket checkout lane boasting, "18 New Things You Can Do to Drive Your Man Wild in Bed." I mean, are you kidding me? How many different ways can you say, "Put on a thong and suck his cock?" It's pretty ridiculous when you actually sit down and think about it.

Oh, here's a good one, related to that last point: "have a lot of sex!" Oh, hahaha! Good idea!

Here's the thing: if you're in your 20's and you're all worried about how to stay in love, you're pretty much fucked. If you're pondering that question after thirty years of marriage, well, I can understand that. Just put on a thong and suck his cock, you saggy, flabby hottie, you.

I love being in love, and one of the things I love most about being in love is not thinking about it, or how to keep it going. I trust my love, and you should trust yours too. You don't need some moron on a chatboard to tell you to kiss your girlfriend as you're leaving for the day or to write her poems or letters, or email her incessantly or to remember her goddamn birthday, or your anniversary, or to pay attention to the things she likes so you can buy them for her and be her hero. You don't need some numbnuts to tell you to respect her and admire her and tell her she's beautiful on a Thursday morning.

You want to know how to stay in love? Stay away from internet discussion-boards. I don't promise eternal love-- but it's a good start.