There Oughta Be a Law

There's a journalist in my town named Chris Satullo. An imposing fish in the little pond that is Shitadelphia, he's kind of a big deal around here. That's how he comes off on the radio when he speaks his piece on Mondays on WHYY 90.9-FM. He's pretty brash and opinionated and, for that to bother someone like me, you know he really must be over the top.

Anyway, he did a column recently called "There Oughta Be a Law" about his opinions about what ought to be outlawed and/or regulated around these here parts. It was two parts snark and one part sincerity, and the alternate ratio would have been more appreciated, I think.

In that spirit, however, there oughta be a law against

the phrase "sit back, relax, and enjoy our production of ______________" said by creepy-looking, unpaid assistant-stage-manager interns wearing black clothes and bulky headsets before theatre performances. Theatre companies that continue the "sit back, relax, and enjoy" announcement should be given one warning and, after further infractions, should be sentenced to 3-5 years of producing only Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals. Sit back, relax, and enjoy that shit, motherfuckers.

Okay, here's where the audience participation part comes in: what do you think there ought to be a law against where you live?

(And please, don't say, "Jews." We all know there ought to be laws against Jews.)